The Me I Want You To Know

This is not a post about anything controversial. This is a post about me. If you’re looking to debate something, argue something, troll something, or just be an ass, you can just fuck right off. I’ll probably just delete your comments anyways.

For those that wish to know the real me, there are the obvious things that you get from reading my site. I’m very passionate about religion, atheism, politics, evolution, and a few other subjects. I love to make jokes. I enjoy stirring up trouble. I love love LOVE to swear. That I’m in college, a lab tech, and an aspiring stand up comedian.

Then there are the things you get to know if you chat me up or are on my protected list. You realize I’m a fiercely loyal friend. That I’ve had some bad relationships, That I enjoy dating and sex and women in general, but never at the expense of the woman’s self-worth. That I drink and party and have a general good time.

Then there are some things you generally don’t know about unless we talk on a very regular basis or hang out in real life. One of those things I’d like to share today. If you’re hoping for a lighthearted post, feel free to stop reading at this point.

I have an as-yet undiagnosable neuromuscular disease which causes my body’s reaction to stress, adrenaline, and similar feelings to swell into dystonic movements (uncontrollable muscles spasms). I’ve had this, to varying degrees, for over a decade now.

It can be a minor nuisance, such as just making it difficult to write. Or it can swell up into something so massive I can no longer breathe properly. I’ve had spasms so hard my heart has stopped twice (luckily, within a hospital setting). Often I’ll find myself unable to walk, or I’ll begin to speak with a stutter.

It’s constantly fucking up my life. I started college back in 2003, and I still haven’t graduated because I can’t take on more than a part time work load. I often have to drop classes mid-semester because I’ll be in the hospital too much to catch up. I dropped out for nearly two years in 2007 when I was stabbed in a mugging, the complications of which exacerbated my spasm symptoms. (It also left me a truly awesome scar, from my waist to my sternum.)

I’m writing this because my health once again is taking a turn for the worse. I ended up in the emergency room twice this past weekend, bringing me up to four times in the last month. A new symptom has cropped up that is worrying me, where I get random shooting pain more intense than almost anything I’ve ever experienced (the stabbing tops is, but just barely, if that gives you any idea). It’s completely random, usually in my hand, and it makes me hurt so badly the world starts spinning. Doctors have no idea what’s going on there, but damn if that won’t stop them from telling me it’s all in my head.

I don’t want your prayers. I don’t want your pity.

Don’t think of me as the guy with a disability who spends time in the hospital:

Think of me as the guy who organized a free hug campaign on my campus to bring a little joy:

As the guy who shaved his head in solidarity with a friend going through chemo:

As the guy who dances like this:

And sings like this:

Parties like this:

And enjoys things like this:

Who does crazy shit like this:

And loves like this:

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~ by kriskodisko on June 17, 2012.

3 Responses to “The Me I Want You To Know”

  1. oh, I abso-fucking-lutely love this!

  2. I hope whatever is ailing you is diagnosed and treated, I know how frustrating illness can be, especially if the “professionals” can’t figure it out.

  3. Howdie.

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