The Bible’s Guide to Abortion

I don’t know how I missed this before, but I did. There is a biblical way of having an abortion. A method that is not only approved by God, it was invented by him. He describes it himself in the book of Numbers (5:11-31).

It’s a bit long and complicated, so I’ll break it up for you.

And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying … If any man’s wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him, And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner; (5:11-13)

The first thing to notice is the context. This procedure is only intended for married couples, specifically for any man that suspects that his wife has been messing around. No proof is necessary; suspicion alone is sufficient to God.

Then shall the man bring his wife unto the priest, and he shall bring her offering for her, the tenth part of an ephah of barley meal; he shall pour no oil upon it, nor put frankincense thereon … And the priest shall take holy water in an earthen vessel; and of the dust that is in the floor of the tabernacle the priest shall take, and put it into the water … And the priest shall set the woman before the LORD … and the priest shall have in his hand the bitter water that causeth the curse…. (5:15-18)

OK, I am leaving some of the details out here, so if you’re going to try this at home, make sure to follow God’s instructions exactly. There’s no guarantee any of this will work otherwise.

And the priest shall charge her by an oath, and say unto the woman, If no man have lain with thee, and if thou hast not gone aside to uncleanness with another instead of thy husband, be thou free from this bitter water that causeth the curse: But if thou hast gone aside to another instead of thy husband, and if thou be defiled, and some man have lain with thee beside thine husband: Then the priest shall charge the woman with an oath of cursing, and the priest shall say unto the woman, The LORD make thee a curse and an oath among thy people, when the LORD doth make thy thigh to rot, and thy belly to swell; And this water that causeth the curse shall go into thy bowels, to make thy belly to swell, and thy thigh to rot: And the woman shall say, Amen, amen. (5:19-22)

This is the part that fooled me. I get the idea that if the woman has been unfaithful, then the magic bitter water will do something awful to her. But I wasn’t sure just what. What does it mean to have your belly swell and your thigh rot? But then I saw the footnote in the NIV that said it meant this: “cause you to be barren and have a miscarrying womb.”

So if the woman is guilty (had sex with someone besides her husband), then the bitter water will make her unable to have children in the future. And if she is pregnant at the time, it will abort the pregnancy.

And when he hath made her to drink the water, then it shall come to pass, that, if she be defiled, and have done trespass against her husband, that the water that causeth the curse shall enter into her, and become bitter, and her belly shall swell, and her thigh shall rot: and the woman shall be a curse among her people. And if the woman be not defiled, but be clean; then she shall be free, and shall conceive seed. This is the law of jealousies, when a wife goeth aside to another instead of her husband, and is defiled; Or when the spirit of jealousy cometh upon him, and he be jealous over his wife, and shall set the woman before the LORD, and the priest shall execute upon her all this law. Then shall the man be guiltless from iniquity, and this woman shall bear her iniquity. (5:27-31)

It’s all part of God’s wondrous Law of Jealousies. God’s magical abortion procedure. A priest, some bitter water, and a wife that you think might have been unfaithful. Priceless.


Most people don’t catch on to this one. Good job, Krisko.


~ by kriskodisko on September 12, 2013.

15 Responses to “The Bible’s Guide to Abortion”

  1. Atheists complain that God doesn’t do anything about the evil that men do.

    The Old Testament is all about God doing something about the evil that men do.

    And atheists still complain.

    The error at the foundation of this post is the usual application of modern Christian morals to a time that had no morals to speak of.

    It took 2000 years for Christian morals to bear fruit in the minds of men.

    For example, slavery was abolished in the United States less than 150 years ago after being a bedrock institution ever since man climbed down out of the trees.

    Complaining about God working with savages on their savage level indicates a profoundly provincial attitude toward other cultures, values and historical time periods.

    Such complaining also indicates a lack of understanding of human free will and how much respect God has for it and how gingerly He treats people so as not to abuse human free will.

    • First, this isn’t God punishing somebody, this is god prescribing a dangerous and ineffective test for adultery. Second, God’s punishments in the OT are… well, awful. Murdering the entire globe? Is that the an example of “how much respect God has for it and how gingerly He treats people so as not to abuse human free will”?

      Tell me, what part of the Bible do you believe finally took root 1850 years after Jesus to rid America of slavery? Also, what makes you think it was the Bible at all?

      Wait a second… CURTIS!? Is that you, you scamp?!

      • God is working with the evil problem that atheists always complain about.

        Now you, an atheist, are setting arbitrary, personal standards for God and passing judgment on Him.

        That smells berry berry fishing.

  2. Perhaps, but other study on these scriptures concludes that it might not be referring to abortion at all.

    In fact, all you have to do is ask that question on google and you’ll get a ton of answers on it.

    “Does Numbers 5 refer to abortion?”

    • I can google pretty much anything about any passage of the Bible to make it read anything. I can give you links to evidence that Jesus was gay. Or that Jesus only walked on water because it was ice. Or that Mohammed is actually a second incarnation of Jesus. Turns out the Bible is rather tricky, and everybody reads whatever they want into it.

      • All written material is subject to interpretation.

        That’s why neither Socrates nor Jesus ever wrote anything.

        Jesus personally trained and infused His divine understanding of reality into his Apostles who did the same with their successors.

        So Christianity was going strong decades before any New Testament scripture was ever written.

        That means that the original meaning of scripture was handed down by tradition.

        And the only places where that tradition exists is in the Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox Churches.

        You are right. For Protestants, the Bible can mean anything they want it to.

        That means for Protestants, Bible means nothing since it can mean anything.

  3. lol… at this whole post :/

    that is all

  4. Plus if you can get the kid to say “let us go and serve other gods” you can kill them and everyone in the town. Praise the lord!

  5. But Krisko, the passages do not actually say that they refer to abortion. They are talking about a method used to determine a wife’s cheating.

    It doesn’t say “And then she will miscarry”…

    Saying that the woman will be free to bare seed means that she will be free to have children because she won’t be disdained.

    No where do the passages directly say that this is about abortion.


  7. I…I think that IS Curtis. O_o I didn’t know he migrated here. Well, you have your debate buddy back. I may be reading less comments in the future though. lol.

    • It looks like this blog has turned into a village idiot’s convention.

      Sorry, Krisko. Love your blog. You’re a great writer.

      But when atheists start in with the character assassination, I’m gone never to return.

      God bless and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

  8. Yes, the bible, souce of all that is good, but mostly the souce of bad ideas. If it was written in a time when there were few morals, why should we readso many morals into it? I have always found it confusing.

  9. Eyyyy, it’s Loborn! 😀

    I’m a bit perplexed by the people claiming this has nothing to do with miscarriage. I’m even more perplexed by the people indicating that interpretting the Bible is tricky but not taking that observation to its conclusion. You mean… a manuscript translated from Aramaic to Greek to Hebrew to Latin to English might be difficult to suss out meaning and instruction from?

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