Creationists and Dinosaurs

Wandering my old campus the other day, I stumbled across the Maranatha Christian Fellowship table in the student union. Now normally I draw a pentagram in the air, mutter something that sounds like a hex, spit and move on. But they had a pamphlet out with a picture of a Chasmosaurus and the caption “Whatever Happened to the Dinosaurs? A scientific and biblical perspective.” I was intrigued at this oxymoron, and began perusing the pamphlet. The guy manning the booth began to tell me about how scientists have found oodles of evidence that man and dinosaur lived together just a few generations ago. When I balked at this concept, he told me to go home and do some honest research, and look at the creationist side of things as well as the “mainstream science” side.

According to creationism, dinosaurs and humans lived side-by-side thousands of years ago. This assumption is backed by dozens of peer-reviewed articles, nearly all of them found in the Journal of Creation, an important foundation of creation science. And the great thing about this journal is that we know exactly what conclusion every article will come to. Because unlike those pesky secular journals, Journal of Creation has rigid guidelines for publishing authors:
  • The Bible is the written Word of God. It is divinely inspired throughout.
  • The final guide to the interpretation of Scripture is Scripture itself.
  • The account of origins presented in Genesis is a simple but factual presentation of actual events and therefore provides a reliable framework for scientific research into the question of the origin and history of life, mankind, the Earth and the universe.
  • The great Flood of Genesis was an actual historic event, worldwide (global) in its extent and effect.
  • The special creation of Adam (the first man) and Eve (the first woman), and their subsequent fall into sin, is the basis for the necessity of salvation for mankind.
  • The scientific aspects of creation are important, but are secondary in importance to the proclamation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as Sovereign, Creator, Redeemer and Judge.

Tough crowd. And god help the poor son of a bitch whose submission alludes to Jesus Christ as only the Sovereign, Creator, and Redeemer, and not the Judge. But as fond as creationists are of their own intricate a priori dogma, they’re even fonder of accusing actual scientists of being dogmatic themselves. Ken Ham, founder and spokesperson for Answers in Genesis, a leading creationist think tank, tells us:

“Creationists, of course, would not be surprised if someone found a living dinosaur. However, evolutionists would then have to explain why they made dogmatic statements that man and dinosaur never lived at the same time.”

Actually, both of these statements are correct. Creationists would indeed not be surprised if someone found a living dinosaur. Nor would a six year-old child or a schizophrenic be all that shocked, for that matter. And neither six year-old child or schizophrenic or creationist would be all that shocked if suddenly there appeared in the sky four great beasts covered in eyeballs, possessing six wings each, and resembling a lion, a calf, a man, and an eagle, respectively, and if the appearance of said beasts was quickly followed by a voice proclaiming, “A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barly for a penny, and see thou hurt not the oil and wine,” and if each beast opened a seal, and if out of the fourth seal came a pale horse ridden by Death, and if Death was then given power over a fourth of Earth’s inhabitants, “to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death [which one might think would sort of be implied], and with the beasts of the Earth,” and if the stars then fell unto the Earth while oddly not destroying it completely, and if seven angels also appeared about this time, and if the fifth of these angels was given the key to a bottomless pit, and if the fifth angel then opened the aforementioned pit in order to release giant locusts shaped like horses but with faces of men and the hair of women and breastplates of iron and wings  that sounded like the rushing of chariots and tails like scorpions and no apparent locust-like characteristics to speak of even though they’re referred to as “locusts” for some dumbfuck of a reason or another…

Perhaps all other attempts at naming were interrupted with screaming and pants-shitting?

…and if these pseudo-locusts were then commanded by the angel to attack men but not kill them so that they might suffer longer, and then if the sixth angel was commanded to release four more god-damned angels from the bottom of the Euphrates, and then if these four angels were ordered to kill the third of humanity that hadn’t already been, you know, crushed by all of those fucking stars, and if things just got weirder from there. They wouldn’t be surprised by any of this, because it’s spelled out quite specifically in the Book of Revelation, and as we all know by the submission guidelines of the Journal of Creation, “the Bible is the written word of God… divinely inspired throughout,” and God knows, so to speak, that the creationists can’t wait for this to happen to the rest of us so there will be nobody left to point out how laughingly ridiculous it is to think that dinosaurs and humans lived together.

But evolutionists, by contrast, would probably be a little surprised. After all, we’re a “dogmatic” bunch.

Incidentally, Ken Ham has yet to find a living dinosaur. There could be any number of reasons for this. Perhaps God is hiding the dinosaurs from him to test his faith. Maybe Ken Ham is totally wrong about everything, and dinosaurs died out tens of millions of years ago (hey, you never know).

Never forget.

But there’s another possibility. Perhaps there are oodles of dinosaurs running all over the damned place, but the creationists are too incompetent, dishonest, and downright under-qualified to find them. And in support of this latter theory, I give you the strange case of the Paluxy River Tracks. 

If you by severe misfortune end up in the town of Glen Rose, Texas, you’ll find a stretch of the Paluxy River famous for two things: tubing, which is a sort of hillbilly-friendly form of sailing; and several specimens of dinosaur tracks, the viewing of which is a sort of equally hillbilly-friendly version of going to a museum or reading a book. The presence of both tubing and dinosaur tracks are undisputed. Dinosaur tracks have been observed by scientists of both the real and self-proclaimed variety, and signs around the area proclaim that one can indeed rent a tube, set it in the river, get on it, and gently float down the river drinking beer and shouting at one’s obnoxious, overweight, mullet-bearing kids.

Opinions diverge about another alleged Glen Rose attraction: other, more ambiguous tracks dating to the same general time period and which appear to be human, at least to the layman or the average creation scientist. Indeed, these tracks have been touted as the evidence we need to prove that humans and dinosaur coexisted since the tracks were discovered a century ago. In reality, the tracks are so questionable that even many creationists have cast doubt on their human authenticity.

The problem with all this craziness is this: Ken Ham and his creationist friends are making an impact. That is such a strange concept to wrap my head around. Nonetheless, it’s true. Ken Ham, for the unfamiliar, sort of looks like a werewolf. Allow me to make my point:

The Earth was created in six literal days. AwwwOOOOOOO!

See? Anyway, Ken Ham is one of the most prominent young-earth creationists in the world. Maybe this is because he ate all the others during the last full moon. I’m sorry, but he really does resemble a werewolf. And for all I know, he believes in werewolves. Why not? He believes in witches. Being a creationist must be very frightening. Especially if you’re hanging out with Ken Ham, and he’s eating your leg. I’m sorry, I’m done now.

Ham is the founder of Answers in Genesis, an organization dedicated to telling you that you will find various answers in the Book of Genesis,  which is actually true if the question is, “Where can I find interesting stories about giants raping Earth women?” But AIG’s main mission is to subvert the nation’s science classrooms through sabotage, to be carried out by children. It’s an interesting strategy, and not entirely an unusual one, although it’s generally more likely to be practiced among Central African warlords rather than alleged scientists.

The philosophical battle between methodological naturalism and haphazard mysticism is often amusing, occasionally hilarious, but always serious in its real implications. Philosophy has consequences. A civilization that plucks out its own eyes because it is afraid of what it might see will stagnate, degenerate, or possibly die out altogether, because there will always be another civilization with a more reasonable outlook. This principle is simply an extension of natural selection. Those who aspire to truth, wherever it may lead them, are thus capable of making choices with reference to the truth. Those who do not have blinded themselves.


~ by kriskodisko on September 15, 2013.

8 Responses to “Creationists and Dinosaurs”

  1. Those creationists are dangerous.

  2. Reblogged this on SouthernHon and commented:
    Interesting reading from one of my favorite bloggers.

  3. My son is a Creationist and studied a long time before he came to that conclusion. That does not prove anything, just interesting to me.

    I read in a Catholic Bible once with notes that they did not care if man was created or involved–God is still the source of life and they promote original cause or something like that.

    Baptists have a gap theory—between Gen. 1:1 and Gen. 1:2 millions of years could have gone by.

    I am a college grad and did poorly, but passed. lol I feel evolutionists are as biased as Creationists so someone like me has no chance for knowing the truth. lol

    Interesting post. thanks


    • By what EVIDENCE do you assume that “evolutionists” are as biased as Creationists? If you don’t understand the evidence they claim they have, from whence comes your beliefs about their beliefs?

      What if the theory of evolution predicts a bunch of things about the world that are found out to actually be true? What if this happens an unreasonable amount? Supposing that is true, what would your position be on “evolutionists?”

  4. Well a little known fact is the Ojibwa and the Native American Indian tribes are creation believers too but have a slightly different view than the bible. They believe in a creator too. I know they believe that monsters walked the earth with our ancestors and that predates the Bible being introduced to the Americas.

    • Every group I know of was a creation myth believer before science came around. The difference, obviously, is the creation myth. I’m not certain if you’re trying to make a point or just bringing up an interesting factoid

  5. Kurtis, I’m genuinely curious about something. (Full disclosure, I’ve honestly no idea what to label myself; I belong to no religion, but neither am I an atheist. I suppose deist would be as close to anything.) As an atheist, do you shun faith as a concept? Or just specific theological tenets of varying beliefs?

    • KRISKO. >_>” I swear I meant Krisko, I was just looking at the other… gentleman’s blog. Damnit, I was trying so hard to look intelligent, too. ;_;

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